Summer blossoms, photo by Diane Frymire ©2009
Chapter 10. Being the Board: It’s not them. It’s not the circumstances. It’s me. It’s my choices. Now what do I do?
A wise retiring teacher once told me upon moving into my first year of teaching, “whatever you do, do not hang out in the teacher’s lounge or a gossiper’s classroom!” I thought, ‘nah’, teachers are the most caring employees out there. As long as I fit into their circle, then I am good to go!’ Naively, I tried that... and soon saw what that wise old teacher was expressing to me. Oftentimes we as teachers are the quickest to judge others, and also remove all blame from ourselves to others or the circumstances around us. Being that I was the last hired in my certification for my county, I have been moved around to different schools every year.... and I admit, I have complained about it and placed blame along the way. But this year... and this book, have caused me to rethink my assertations. If it weren’t for those moves, I would have become too settled and comfortable. Moving around so much gave me experience in a variety of environments and subjects, that I may not have gotten otherwise. It also allowed me to not grow too comfortable with any staff members in that I became involved in the gossip and critical eyes that I have found exist in every school.
I love how Zander states, “there is nothing I can do about your [other’s] mistakes-- only mine.” (p. 142) It makes me think of the bible verse that says something like, before you point out the sliver in another person’s eye, pull the plank from your own. This graduate school year has been a largely reflective one for me... I have come to the time of looking back over my 7 years of teaching to see the many hardships I have faced as milestones getting me to where I am today, and not setbacks thrown in my path purposefully by others.
Chapter 11. Creating Frameworks for Possibility: How do I take this flash of insight and make it into daily thing? And how do I share this with others?
I have become, and am trying to make a lifestyle of always becoming, more and more of a self-reflective person. I have never participated in blogging before this program, and I had only journaled on paper when I faced a milestone or crisis. (And often times, those paper journals were left incomplete as I had gotten frustrated and tired.) Now I see the importance of regular self expression... even if you are the only one reading it. It is a huge and healthy stress reliever, as your emotions are expelled to text and not on another person or your job. It also helps you set and see your goals! I plan to share this with others in 2 ways: 1) I want my students to keep a journal. If they self reflect on their assignments and compositions, then possibly they will have more investment on the products that they turn in. Also, it will be a way to teach them positive expression, instead of dramatic outbursts that could negatively effect themselves and others. 2) I intend to blog on my continued life path outside of graduate school. This will help others by me being more available and real to them emotionally instead of using them as a crutch, while also influencing them to personally reflect for themselves.
Chapter 12. Telling the WE Story: I told you it wasn’t about you. Have you been able to tap into the power of combining your expertise and passions with someone equally gifted? Have you had the pleasure of lifting a teammate, student, stranger up enabling them to realize their dreams and exceed anything that you could have imagined?
For as long as I live, I will never forget a student I had my second year of teaching, Stanley. He was a tall and stout 8th grader from a very rough gang background that had little to no home support, and he seemingly cared nothing about school as he would sleep as often as possible. Some other teachers hated having him in class and would even celebrate the days where he was in ISS/ OSS. But-- he never acted out with me! In fact, he would participate in discussions and sometimes even complete his classwork. We had a deal that when he would get angry and felt like he was about to get into a fight or say something back, he was to get up, leave the room, and walk slowly to the furthest water fountain, then come right back! He liked this plan and always followed it without problems. One day, about half way through the year, we had a writing assignment on ‘What is a life lesson you have learned?’ After his usual staring off into space, he actually picked up the pen and began feverishly writing. I decided to let students share their work aloud, and to my and the rest of the class’ surprise- Stanley was the first to volunteer! As he shared passionately to his classmates about his lesson in choosing the right friends and removing yourself from bad situations, both mine and his eyes were filled with tears. Prior to school that year, he had seen his best friend shot to death by their so called friends in the gang, he then got on the phone and found his mother a job in our county where they moved away. He taught his classmates more in that 10 minutes of sharing his story, than I could in a year! Afterwards during class change, he thanked me for giving him the opportunity to share. He said that other teachers don’t even act like he is there except to yell at him, and that he felt like I would let him speak his heart.
I believe as teachers, we should be believers and empowers first and foremost! Many of our students have never had anyone empower them before, why would we seek to continue the trend.
Coda: Now what do we do?
We quit just thinking, reading, maybe even planning change-- and we just make the changes happen! If we see The Art of Possibility as only a book and don’t actually apply it, then it all remains just a possibility; but, if we commit to doing what we know we need to and making a lifestyle change in the way we act and react, then we applied it to become a reality.
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Monday, June 28, 2010 - 11:59 PM
Diane Frymire
Aimee,
Although I haven't had the pleasure of knowing you very long, I am blessed every time you share. There is so much to what you said... I, too, used to think that teachers were supposed to be the "most caring employees" only to find in my first year of teaching that they are often just older versions of the children they teach, and often cruel. Many become teachers to help, others have different reasons. I have struggled in the past few years to shield myself from teacher negativity like you mentioned in your story about Stanley. My Stanley was a boy named Luis.
When others are ruminating about the evils of their students, I want to know how to help them. It's like the 'downward spiral' thinking that Zander discusses. Thanks for being part of the building-up process. We need to stick together because the Stanleys and the Luises of this world need us to see past their bravado into their hearts.
